Categories
December Newsletter
Author: Danyelle Lynch
Categories
Coping With The Season
Written by Parker Pothier
This time of year, it is common for clients to bring up concerns in therapy related to coping during the holiday season. Clients worry about having uncomfortable, awkward, or downright hurtful interactions with family. They feel obligated to attend large workplace functions but struggle deeply with social anxiety. Some clients are missing someone, and others have hard memories associated with holidays. For those experiencing family estrangement, holidays can feel particularly lonely. Many folks face financial stress and food insecurity this time of year as well.
Whatever heaviness the season brings you, there are things you can do to lighten the load. You are in control of your experience and can find some relief. You don’t have to like the holidays, but finding ways to neutralize the hard parts can be supportive.
Here are some prompts to consider:
Make a “challenging event I feel like I need to attend” Bingo card, featuring spaces that say things like, “Someone asks why I’m not married yet,” or, “Someone complains about the food.” Making a hard event a little bit playful can give you a bit of distance from the stress. This can be a mental activity or blank Bingo cards can be printed from the web.
Assess your boundaries. You are allowed to stay at a party for a short period of time and then leave, you are allowed to say, “no,” to anything you don’t want to do, you are allowed to set any limits that you want with yourself and others.
If you happen to get a stomach bug the morning of a holiday event and now cannot attend, be compassionate to your mind and body. Rest and hydration are your friends, and you can re-evaluate your participation in get-togethers when you’re feeling better.
For many of us, that word is “should.”
We say it without thinking—“I should call them,” “I should exercise,” “I should be happier.” But behind every “should” often lies a layer of guilt, pressure, or unrealistic expectation that slowly chips away at our emotional well-being.
That’s why one of my (Clinical Director, Danyelle) favourite phrases is: “Stop shoulding yourself.”
No seriously—I love it so much, I literally put it on a T-shirt.
Why is “shoulding” yourself so harmful?
It’s my favourite to say because it tends to make people pause. They stop to really think about what I just said, and more importantly, what I meant by it. That pause allows space for reflection—on how often we use “should” language, and how quietly damaging it can be.
Great question—thanks for asking!
Using “should” language creates a sense of obligation that often causes us to feel bad for not meeting our own expectations, or those of others. It leads to guilt when we haven’t done the thing yet, and sometimes even shame when it seems like there must be something wrong with us because we haven’t followed through.
We often believe that “shoulding” ourselves will motivate us into action—but it rarely works that way. Instead, it piles on guilt and shame, leaving us feeling crummy and overwhelmed. And so, the very thing we “should” be doing often remains undone.
Or maybe you’re the kind of person who does complete the task after a self-inflicted “should.” So, what’s the harm in that?
Another great question!
Even when “should” leads to action, it’s often tied to unrealistic standards or perfectionism—both of which take a toll on mental health. “Should” statements tend to be relentless. They follow us around and rarely allow space to feel content with what we’ve accomplished. Instead, we’re left chasing ever-moving goalposts, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, or chronic dissatisfaction.
When we persistently “should” ourselves, we reinforce a message that what we’re doing—or who we are—isn’t good enough. In this way, “should” becomes the supervillain of our internal world, constantly working against our self-compassion, empathy, and acceptance.
Isn’t it a little dramatic to call “should” language a supervillain?
Wow—you’re really on a roll with these questions today!
Okay, maybe it’s a little dramatic. But here’s the thing: self-compassion, empathy, and acceptance are like the superheroes of our emotional world. They help us foster resilience, support sustainable growth, and nurture a healthier sense of self. “Should” language undermines those internal strengths.
So, next time you catch yourself “shoulding” on yourself, pause. Take a moment to reframe.
Try shifting your inner dialogue to something like:
- “It would be helpful if I vacuumed.”
- “I’m choosing to be more active.”
- “I’m working on feeling happier.”
It might seem like a small shift—but over time, how we talk to ourselves shapes how we feel about ourselves. And that change can be surprisingly powerful.
Written by Danyelle Lynch.
Categories
Between Two Worlds
Helping Immigrant Children Feel Seen, Heard and Supported
Written by Melanie Naguib
Immigrant children are becoming a big part of today’s population, and their experiences are uniquely complex. As they juggle learning their family’s culture while fitting into mainstream society — a process called enculturation — they often face mental health challenges that their Western-born friends might never encounter.
What are some Differences Immigrant Children Experience?
Language plays a powerful role in shaping the mental health journeys of immigrant children. It’s more than just a way to communicate — it’s the key to belonging, identity, and inclusion (or, at times, exclusion). As these children move between cultures, the way they speak and understand language influences how they connect with friends, succeed in school, and fit within their families and communities.
One vivid example is language brokering — when children act as translators for their parents, bridging gaps between home and the wider world. While it might seem like this builds maturity and confidence, research shows it can also bring emotional strain, stress, and even tension within families, especially when it becomes a constant responsibility.
Social connections at school also play a major role in shaping the emotional well-being and cultural growth of immigrant children. These relationships help determine not only how children adjust socially but also how they navigate the process of blending their cultural identities. Language skills are central to this experience — when communication barriers arise, forming bonds with classmates and teachers can become especially challenging. Such obstacles can lead to feelings of isolation, misunderstanding, or exclusion, which may heighten anxiety, depression, and identity struggles during the ongoing process of enculturation.
Enculturation itself often supports positive mental health, building confidence, self-esteem, and resilience. Yet, its impact isn’t always straightforward. For instance, a strong sense of ethnic identity can boost self-worth while also intensifying anxiety — particularly for younger children still figuring out who they are and where they belong.
How can Mental Health Supports Help?
Mental health support and clinical interventions can make a powerful difference in the lives of immigrant children. Through culturally sensitive therapy and community-based programs, clinicians can help young people process the unique pressures that come with balancing multiple identities. Approaches that recognize the importance of language, family dynamics, and cultural values allow children to feel seen and understood — key ingredients for healing and growth. Beyond addressing symptoms of anxiety or depression, effective mental health care helps foster resilience, emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of identity. By building trust and creating safe spaces for self-expression, clinical work can empower immigrant youth to navigate both their inner worlds and the diverse communities they’re part of with confidence and hope.
At One Tree Psychological and Therapeutic Services, our team of clinicians brings a rich diversity of backgrounds and experiences to their work — with some having personally navigated the journey of enculturation themselves. This lived understanding helps bridge the gap between clients and practitioners, creating a more authentic and empathetic space for healing. By drawing on both professional expertise and cultural self-awareness, our clinicians are better equipped to provide care that feels genuinely inclusive and culturally responsive. For many families, this makes all the difference in overcoming barriers to treatment and finding the right therapeutic fit.
Categories
October Newsletter
