Author: Danyelle Lynch

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Coping With The Season

Written by Parker Pothier

This time of year, it is common for clients to bring up concerns in therapy related to coping during the holiday season. Clients worry about having uncomfortable, awkward, or downright hurtful interactions with family. They feel obligated to attend large workplace functions but struggle deeply with social anxiety. Some clients are missing someone, and others have hard memories associated with holidays. For those experiencing family estrangement, holidays can feel particularly lonely. Many folks face financial stress and food insecurity this time of year as well. 

Whatever heaviness the season brings you, there are things you can do to lighten the load. You are in control of your experience and can find some relief. You don’t have to like the holidays, but finding ways to neutralize the hard parts can be supportive. 

Here are some prompts to consider: 

Make a “challenging event I feel like I need to attend” Bingo card, featuring spaces that say things like, “Someone asks why I’m not married yet,” or, “Someone complains about the food.” Making a hard event a little bit playful can give you a bit of distance from the stress. This can be a mental activity or blank Bingo cards can be printed from the web. 

Assess your boundaries. You are allowed to stay at a party for a short period of time and then leave, you are allowed to say, “no,” to anything you don’t want to do, you are allowed to set any limits that you want with yourself and others. 

If you happen to get a stomach bug the morning of a holiday event and now cannot attend, be compassionate to your mind and body. Rest and hydration are your friends, and you can re-evaluate your participation in get-togethers when you’re feeling better. 

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What if one simple word was quietly sabotaging your mental health?

For many of us, that word is “should.”

We say it without thinking—“I should call them,” “I should exercise,” “I should be happier.” But behind every “should” often lies a layer of guilt, pressure, or unrealistic expectation that slowly chips away at our emotional well-being.

That’s why one of my (Clinical Director, Danyelle) favourite phrases is: “Stop shoulding yourself.”
No seriously—I love it so much, I literally put it on a T-shirt.

One Tree Psychological Team Edmonton Alberta
Why is “shoulding” yourself so harmful?

It’s my favourite to say because it tends to make people pause. They stop to really think about what I just said, and more importantly, what I meant by it. That pause allows space for reflection—on how often we use “should” language, and how quietly damaging it can be.

Great question—thanks for asking!

Using “should” language creates a sense of obligation that often causes us to feel bad for not meeting our own expectations, or those of others. It leads to guilt when we haven’t done the thing yet, and sometimes even shame when it seems like there must be something wrong with us because we haven’t followed through.

We often believe that “shoulding” ourselves will motivate us into action—but it rarely works that way. Instead, it piles on guilt and shame, leaving us feeling crummy and overwhelmed. And so, the very thing we “should” be doing often remains undone.

Or maybe you’re the kind of person who does complete the task after a self-inflicted “should.” So, what’s the harm in that?

Another great question!

Even when “should” leads to action, it’s often tied to unrealistic standards or perfectionism—both of which take a toll on mental health. “Should” statements tend to be relentless. They follow us around and rarely allow space to feel content with what we’ve accomplished. Instead, we’re left chasing ever-moving goalposts, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, or chronic dissatisfaction.

When we persistently “should” ourselves, we reinforce a message that what we’re doing—or who we are—isn’t good enough. In this way, “should” becomes the supervillain of our internal world, constantly working against our self-compassion, empathy, and acceptance.

Isn’t it a little dramatic to call “should” language a supervillain?

Wow—you’re really on a roll with these questions today!

Okay, maybe it’s a little dramatic. But here’s the thing: self-compassion, empathy, and acceptance are like the superheroes of our emotional world. They help us foster resilience, support sustainable growth, and nurture a healthier sense of self. “Should” language undermines those internal strengths.

So, next time you catch yourself “shoulding” on yourself, pause. Take a moment to reframe.
Try shifting your inner dialogue to something like:

  • “It would be helpful if I vacuumed.”
  • “I’m choosing to be more active.”
  • “I’m working on feeling happier.”

It might seem like a small shift—but over time, how we talk to ourselves shapes how we feel about ourselves. And that change can be surprisingly powerful.

Written by Danyelle Lynch.

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Between Two Worlds

Helping Immigrant Children Feel Seen, Heard and Supported

Written by Melanie Naguib

Immigrant children are becoming a big part of today’s population, and their experiences are uniquely complex. As they juggle learning their family’s culture while fitting into mainstream society — a process called enculturation — they often face mental health challenges that their Western-born friends might never encounter.

What are some Differences Immigrant Children Experience?

Language plays a powerful role in shaping the mental health journeys of immigrant children. It’s more than just a way to communicate — it’s the key to belonging, identity, and inclusion (or, at times, exclusion). As these children move between cultures, the way they speak and understand language influences how they connect with friends, succeed in school, and fit within their families and communities.

One vivid example is language brokering — when children act as translators for their parents, bridging gaps between home and the wider world. While it might seem like this builds maturity and confidence, research shows it can also bring emotional strain, stress, and even tension within families, especially when it becomes a constant responsibility.

Social connections at school also play a major role in shaping the emotional well-being and cultural growth of immigrant children. These relationships help determine not only how children adjust socially but also how they navigate the process of blending their cultural identities. Language skills are central to this experience — when communication barriers arise, forming bonds with classmates and teachers can become especially challenging. Such obstacles can lead to feelings of isolation, misunderstanding, or exclusion, which may heighten anxiety, depression, and identity struggles during the ongoing process of enculturation.

Enculturation itself often supports positive mental health, building confidence, self-esteem, and resilience. Yet, its impact isn’t always straightforward. For instance, a strong sense of ethnic identity can boost self-worth while also intensifying anxiety — particularly for younger children still figuring out who they are and where they belong.

How can Mental Health Supports Help?

Mental health support and clinical interventions can make a powerful difference in the lives of immigrant children. Through culturally sensitive therapy and community-based programs, clinicians can help young people process the unique pressures that come with balancing multiple identities. Approaches that recognize the importance of language, family dynamics, and cultural values allow children to feel seen and understood — key ingredients for healing and growth. Beyond addressing symptoms of anxiety or depression, effective mental health care helps foster resilience, emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of identity. By building trust and creating safe spaces for self-expression, clinical work can empower immigrant youth to navigate both their inner worlds and the diverse communities they’re part of with confidence and hope.

At One Tree Psychological and Therapeutic Services, our team of clinicians brings a rich diversity of backgrounds and experiences to their work — with some having personally navigated the journey of enculturation themselves. This lived understanding helps bridge the gap between clients and practitioners, creating a more authentic and empathetic space for healing. By drawing on both professional expertise and cultural self-awareness, our clinicians are better equipped to provide care that feels genuinely inclusive and culturally responsive. For many families, this makes all the difference in overcoming barriers to treatment and finding the right therapeutic fit.

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October Newsletter

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Imposter Syndrome

By Christianne MacNeil

Perhaps you’ve just started university or a new job, been recently promoted, or taken on a new role. It’s normal to experience self-doubt and jitters in these situations. A certain amount of fear, self-doubt, and anxiety are a part of everyone’s journey toward achievement. However, these feelings can sometimes be amplified and become problems.

What is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome, also known as imposter phenomenon or imposterism is not diagnosable, it is a common human experience. It is described as the nagging feeling that your successes are a fluke, as if you got lucky or were in the right place at the right time, even if you deserved them. Deep down, you might feel like you’ve tricked everyone into thinking you’re smarter, more competent or more talented than you really are, and you’re constantly worried about being “found out.” These feelings can pop up at work, in school, and even in your personal life. When you’re dealing with it, it’s hard to own your accomplishments. You might not give yourself credit for your skills or hard work, and you might even dread new challenges, convinced you won’t be able to pull them off again. 

People with imposter syndrome often get stuck in what’s called the “imposter cycle.” This could mean you over-prepare for everything because you’re terrified of failing, or, the opposite, you might procrastinate because you’re scared to even start! You might also turn into a “superhero,” taking on way too much to prove your worth, or become a perfectionist, where nothing less than flawless is good enough. A big part of this cycle is always downplaying your skills and being terrified of failing. And when things go wrong, you take it personally, but when you succeed, you just brush it off as luck.

When impostor feelings take over, they can subtly change your behaviour. You might miss out on opportunities, sabotage future success, or undervalue your own accomplishments. Feeling like an imposter can stop you from sharing great ideas or applying for jobs and programs where you’d shine. Imposter syndrome makes it impossible to consistently meet the high standards you set for yourself, regardless of how smart, talented, or skilled you are. 

While anyone can experience imposter syndrome, it’s especially common among high-achievers. Even those who seem confident, like CEOs or award winners, can be secretly battling these feelings of inadequacy. And while it affects everyone, research shows it impacts women and other marginalized groups harder, due to societal pressures and biases. 

What can you do about it?

One of the first steps to growing past imposter syndrome is to understand it and acknowledge it. From there, you can start building strategies to cope and develop a more realistic and kind view of yourself. Reducing feelings of imposterism can lead to an increase and improvement in career, social and school engagement.

An option for combating imposter syndrome is self-compassion. Self-compassion is about fostering mindfulness and self-kindness to counter the tendency to be overly critical of oneself. Developing self-compassion can offset the emotions associated with imposterism, like self-doubt, poor self-worth, guilt, and shame, reducing self-imposed pressures. What self-compassion tells us is when automatic, self-destructive thoughts or behaviours emerge, try to approach them with understanding and replace them with compassionate and forgiving ones. Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of life and your personal growth. A nurturing and less critical mentality can bring about self-acceptance and encourage you to appreciate the person you are right now.

If your inner critic is overwhelming you, therapy can provide insight into the roots of these thoughts and offer management strategies. Contact One Tree at contact@onetreepsyhological.ca or 780-886-5471 to match you with a therapist experienced in this area. They can guide you in choosing the best approach tailored to your unique needs and strengths. 

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